I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
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Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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