i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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