just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
