I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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