So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
