Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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