hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
