You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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