so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Houston, we have a blender
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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