So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
