Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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