You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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