i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It was like getting head from an anaconda
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
