When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Fuck appropriateness.
handjob tips. give me some.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i drank out of a bidet.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
