we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
