Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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