So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
