Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
