Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
