david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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