i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
