Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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