Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
