I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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