Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
