You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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