P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
