ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.