I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
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I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?