If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
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In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
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dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.