The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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