I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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