I hate your face
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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