That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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