No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
