I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
