i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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