everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
