but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
