you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
