worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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