Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
