Tell her she can't have a vagina
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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