His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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