So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
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Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
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We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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