I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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