Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
