the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
