Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
