She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
