I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
