Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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