His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
