The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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