You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She's like a pop up book from hell.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
