you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
