Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
