You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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