the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
