My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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