please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
