K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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