this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
