what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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