I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Randomize
