Pregnant stripper...not hot.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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