he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
