her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
