I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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