see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
