i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
