I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
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they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize