I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
